I must be the square peg here, right?
Because, in this or any metaphor, I simply cannot be the round hole. Right? Oh yeah!
Let me start from the beginning...since I'm not Quentin Tarantino and all. You see, there's this girl. I really like her a lot. But I also don't, you know? And in this it seems to be mutual. She apparently likes me too, but, for the life of me, I don't know WHAT, exactly, she likes about me. Because all I ever hear from her is negativity and incessant correcting. And this is new ground for me. I have to admit, I have traditionally dated women who are just a little bit in awe of me. Or women that, at the very least, think I'm pretty fucking keen. But not this one. She doesn't seem to think a single thing I do, say, think, wear, etc is at all keen. And, when I object, she says that I am overly sensitive. But this sort of thing has never, ever happened to me before, so I know that, rather than oversensitivity on my part, it is just a case of extremely incompatible personalities. Not earth shattering, right? That sort of thing happens all the time. Hell, 8-9 out of every 10 people I meet are, at best, utterly forgettable. Maybe even higher than 9. But for some reason, we keep going back to each other. And I just don't get it. I should admit, though, the only real problem that I have with her is what I'm talking about here. And it's a pretty big hurdle. She doesn't make me feel like she even likes me, and it's getting worse. I now find that my throat tightens after being around her too long. The fear of doing or saying or being the wrong thing is becoming positively crippling. You know how when you're with someon who you feel comfortable being with? How the conversation just flows? Not with me, not when I talk to her. I think before I speak, often predicting the criticism, and decide whether it's really worth the breath and emasculation. It usually isn't. But sometimes I simply can't help myself. I am a talker, a pretty exuberant guy.
Speaking of talking, have you ever met someone of the opposite (or same, for that matter, if that applies to you) sex who you find yourself talking to for hours and hours, into the night, until you realize it's 2AM and you should really be putting the moves on each other already, but you are enjoying the conversation so much that even the prospect of that doesn't shut you up? You ever have that with someone? I certainly have, and it's a magical thing, I think. We don't have that, her and I. My thoughts feel unwelcome in the atmosphere when I am around this woman. They are either contradicted or cut off 1/3 of the way through. In fact, she noted today that she does not find at all charming my tendency to go off on tangents, flights of conversational fancy.
No, I am simply not the right boy for this woman. So why does she keep coming back? Well, since she reads this blog, maybe she'll answer that question. But I will proffer a guess: I treat her well. Honestly, I can't think of what else it could be. It can't be because I'm super-foxy. Because I'm the only one who ever thinks that. :)
So, after all this, why do I find the thought of ending things with her so...well, something I'd rather not do yet? I don't know. She IS astoundingly beautiful. And I DO like firecracker personalities. She's a real pistol (which is great fun, when it's not pointed at you). And she's fiercely intelligent. Sexy too. She has a great voice. And she's a gifted writer, even though she doesn't think that "castigate" is a real word. ;) Honestly, if she were more positive about life, and most importantly ME, she'd be perfect for me. But this is a real stumbling block. As it should be. Relationships should be positive, uplifting experiences...despite what happened to your parents. Or mine. But this one seems designed to put me through the ringer. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Seriously. I see it. I know it's wrong. Unhealthy. Yet I don't have it in me to stop seeing her. Somebody shoot me.
Just kidding. please don't shoot me. Bring me pudding instead. Thanks.
Let me start from the beginning...since I'm not Quentin Tarantino and all. You see, there's this girl. I really like her a lot. But I also don't, you know? And in this it seems to be mutual. She apparently likes me too, but, for the life of me, I don't know WHAT, exactly, she likes about me. Because all I ever hear from her is negativity and incessant correcting. And this is new ground for me. I have to admit, I have traditionally dated women who are just a little bit in awe of me. Or women that, at the very least, think I'm pretty fucking keen. But not this one. She doesn't seem to think a single thing I do, say, think, wear, etc is at all keen. And, when I object, she says that I am overly sensitive. But this sort of thing has never, ever happened to me before, so I know that, rather than oversensitivity on my part, it is just a case of extremely incompatible personalities. Not earth shattering, right? That sort of thing happens all the time. Hell, 8-9 out of every 10 people I meet are, at best, utterly forgettable. Maybe even higher than 9. But for some reason, we keep going back to each other. And I just don't get it. I should admit, though, the only real problem that I have with her is what I'm talking about here. And it's a pretty big hurdle. She doesn't make me feel like she even likes me, and it's getting worse. I now find that my throat tightens after being around her too long. The fear of doing or saying or being the wrong thing is becoming positively crippling. You know how when you're with someon who you feel comfortable being with? How the conversation just flows? Not with me, not when I talk to her. I think before I speak, often predicting the criticism, and decide whether it's really worth the breath and emasculation. It usually isn't. But sometimes I simply can't help myself. I am a talker, a pretty exuberant guy.
Speaking of talking, have you ever met someone of the opposite (or same, for that matter, if that applies to you) sex who you find yourself talking to for hours and hours, into the night, until you realize it's 2AM and you should really be putting the moves on each other already, but you are enjoying the conversation so much that even the prospect of that doesn't shut you up? You ever have that with someone? I certainly have, and it's a magical thing, I think. We don't have that, her and I. My thoughts feel unwelcome in the atmosphere when I am around this woman. They are either contradicted or cut off 1/3 of the way through. In fact, she noted today that she does not find at all charming my tendency to go off on tangents, flights of conversational fancy.
No, I am simply not the right boy for this woman. So why does she keep coming back? Well, since she reads this blog, maybe she'll answer that question. But I will proffer a guess: I treat her well. Honestly, I can't think of what else it could be. It can't be because I'm super-foxy. Because I'm the only one who ever thinks that. :)
So, after all this, why do I find the thought of ending things with her so...well, something I'd rather not do yet? I don't know. She IS astoundingly beautiful. And I DO like firecracker personalities. She's a real pistol (which is great fun, when it's not pointed at you). And she's fiercely intelligent. Sexy too. She has a great voice. And she's a gifted writer, even though she doesn't think that "castigate" is a real word. ;) Honestly, if she were more positive about life, and most importantly ME, she'd be perfect for me. But this is a real stumbling block. As it should be. Relationships should be positive, uplifting experiences...despite what happened to your parents. Or mine. But this one seems designed to put me through the ringer. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Seriously. I see it. I know it's wrong. Unhealthy. Yet I don't have it in me to stop seeing her. Somebody shoot me.
Just kidding. please don't shoot me. Bring me pudding instead. Thanks.
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