Wouldn't it be Nice

So tonight I had a "date" with someone who occupies my thoughts seemingly 24/7 these days. I hadn't seen her in three weeks, and yet again we spent most of the time talking about "us," specifically why we can't happen. But this time I finally saw what she was talking about. We are not going to be together right now. Or probably ever. There's just too much in the way. It hurts, but I have finally come around to this particular reality. I am happy that we met and hit it off and that she woke me from a three-year long sleep. It actually feels good to hurt, even if I know it's right that we not pursue it. But listening to Pet Sounds is not exactly helping either. :)

It's late. Or early. Maybe I'll write more tomorrow. I mostly jsut want to get this weekend over with. I feel lousy and old. I probably am both of those things. I mean, me being 13 years older than Jen is but one of the reasons why we cannot be together, but I think it's going to be a major problem with anyone else that I try to date while I am still in school. Not that I want to date anyone else anyway, most likely. She is special. I don't think there's going to be another Jen right around the corner. I just wish I'd met her two years from now, rather than right now. And that i were ten years younger. :)

I am feeling so awfully alive tonight/this morning.